Loving your own reflection???

I consider this as one of my Lessons for Life. There are few lessons which in life makes a very great difference.

This might happen/happened with everyone of us, UNNOTICED. But Is this right? Be your own judge, for I am putting "my" views on it.

How many times have we frowned at people because we don't seem to like the way they dress, they talk, they move?.

Recollect how many times we have fought with husband just because they do things that "we" do not like.

Why is he so short-tempered?
Why is he never romantic?
Why is he workaholic?
Why is he so talkative?
Why is he so moody all time?

Did we ever realize that we always look for people who do things in OUR WAY. We tend to incline and appreciate things that are done according to OUR INTERESTS.

But Why? Don't we appreciate the concept of INDIVIDUALISM? Honestly speaking, most of us DONT. Some knowingly, Some unknowingly.

'I am too romantic, but he is not'. 'I love hanging out but he always want to sit at home'. 'I am very social but he is not'.

HE WONT, because HE IS NOT 'Y O U'

How many times we had silently wept for these differences, or argued for it?

Though it is always good to have your own choices and interests, it is always essential to appreciate the INDIVIDUAL inside everyone.

Is it wise to hate or frown at someone just because they are not YOUR TYPE? They are not the way you need them to be? They are not the way you want them to be?

If we do so, then WE ARE JUST LOVING OUR OWN REFLECTIONS and not the other person truly.

Appreciate the individual inside. Start looking at them as individual. Do not always associate what they do with what you like.

How easy it is to say that you don't like this, you don't like that etc. How difficult it is to say you love everything you come across.

But have we ever realized how positive and nice we feel once we started appreciating, loving everything/everyone who comes across in our lives. Believe me, you will start feeling much lighter and infact be accumulating more person in your "I like them" list.

STOP LOVING YOUR OWN REFLECTIONS IN OTHERS.

LOVE THEM FOR WHAT THEY ARE..

5 cup cake turned out as Halwa

Before reading this blog, important information to be noted : I am not a great cook. Kinda relatively fresher to the cooking area and this is my first attempt on making sweets. Now with this in mind, read on..

What to say yaar, I took proper recipe for 7 cup cake. It is supposed to be

1-Besan Flour
1-Milk
1-coconut
3-sugar
1-ghee.

Now I tell u my expirement on it.. I eliminated coconut and hence the 1 cup of corresponding sugar.

So in effect I tried a 5-cup cake :)

Cautiously took all ingredients and kept each thing ready in clean dry glass vessels. (As they show in TV shows, Idhukku onnum korachal illa ;)).
Boiled the milk.
Kept a plate ready greased with ghee to pour the mixture.
So I was all set to go, fried the besan flour in little ghee, on top of it I poured the milk and sugar and added cashews and was mixing them pouring ghee now and then.

Finally it appeared to have come to a semi state where my heart signalled it to be the proper state to take out and honestly following my heart, I poured it into greased plate. I was sitting next to it and constantly watching it every 2 minutes (For some reason I got reminded of my Pipette Burette expirements in Chemistry Lab). Nothing happened for the next 20 minutes except I got bored watching at it so expectantly. I again put it on stove and rekindled it for some more time and this time the consistency seemed to differ, it started coming out of the edges as thick pieces. Triumphantly I poured it on the greased plate. This time just for a different sentiment, I did not gaze at the cake. (Last time Kannu-pattuduthu nu nenaikaraen).
Instead I went out for a walk and came.

Huff no big difference. Little better than last time but still have not become solid. Even after one hour now, it is like halwa. Great part is that I never needed a knife or fork to make pieces. I used it minimally and I shaped my cake with my own sweet cute hands, pressing (Ya of course 'pressing' only because its like halwa only na) and giving shape to it. Now pls don't suggest that I could have as well made it round round like balls. I did not want to insult my first time attempt so much, hence made a square shape out of the Halwa and have kept it inside the fridge.

What to do ! This is my "Cake panna nenaichu, Halwa'va mudinja kadhai" :)

But whatever, Just for the simple reason that "I" made it and also for the complex reason that anything made of sugar and ghee is eatable, I am optimistically hoping I will finish it sooner (or later :( ). :)

Hey you ! just a note of confirmation. You did not arrive at any conclusions about my cooking na? Please dont, Ofcourse I can make a good cook :P

Walking? - Oh Noooooooooo

May be I should not have done it... May be..Sometimes I dont understand where my brain deserts me in the most wanted moment and absconds somewhere.

That saturday dawned as yet another lousy day. Me and my husband decided to take a walk on a long trail (An idea discovered, after google showed us the nearest trail) and get some niccceee food in an Indian restaurant(Hey, now dont take assumptions. I dont implicitly or explicitly mean anything about my cooking here) and do the groceries shopping for the week ahead and head back home.

Had some Rotis for breakfast. I packed a big can of water and stuffed in couple of Strawberries in a small box (that can by all means fit into my small handbag). The water can being big, I was sure that I will not be carrying it during my walk, so just in case if I feel thirsty I can munch the berries which I have handy. Oh, how clever of me :) I did have plans of Pear's instead of berries but considering the dimensions of my handbag and also the fact that the berries were counting its last days I dropped the idea of stuffing Pear too. But my more cleverer husband partitioned my bag, cleared few stuff and managed to stuff 2 pears inside my bag.

Fine, now all set ! We started out. We were on the trail, originally stretching about 8 miles, it had a lake at the end of 5 miles. Beleive me, we had plans to walk till end of the trail. We walked and walked and walked and after I started feeling little tired I proudly searched for the board to see how much I have crossed, just to know it is less than 1.2 miles. Oh My god,Heavy disappointment ! It seemed like I would have covered atleast 4 miles ;) Less than 1.5? This is atrocious. I have been walking for so long time but ...J U S T 1.2?? That count appeared too meagre, may be had I converted it into metres I would have felt better and proud :) Anyways we were chit chatting and walking. Another 20 mins, my heart started planning to take a U turn and walk back. The display board said that there is a lake at the end of five miles. I was tempted to hit the lake somehow so that I can make a round-off of 5 miles which feels like a good number :) So was biting my teeth and managed to move forward. On and On and On I went, I felt it was impossible. But now there is a new problem. Having walked for so long I definitely needed a rest atleast 30-60 mins, before I start back. Unfortunately the only point where I can sit and relax was at the end of 5 miles. Rest throughout the trail it was just a broad path filled with many people jogging,cycling. I then thought back, I would have made a U-Turn when my leg started giving singals long back. I was imagining too much of myself and came on and on, and ended at a state where I have to walk till the lake, if I need to sit and relax for a while.

Whole world seemed to be laughing at me. All through my life I never have done something called 'Exercice' and the most I used to do is to take the stairs instead of elevator. Now dont imagine any 2 digit, it is to reach the 3rd floor. For such a kind of physique, this is not too much, but tooooooo toooooooo much of strain. Cursing myself heavily I walked along with my husband. Poor he, though he was not as tired as me, he was tired as well. And whenever he tried to talk with me, I just shut my mouth and kept walking as I felt the energy I have, might slip out of my mouth if I keep talking and I cannot walk back home :) Beleive me I did not have energy to talk too..I was cursing the trail, why cant they have some rest areas in between, probably one at end of each mile. Anyways, luck favoured me and at end of 4.2 mile there was a small sit area next to a what was appearing like a pond. Full of tall trees with fall colors. I felt heavenly, went there and sat for a minute. Then my heart started becoming cranky again and thought anyway as I had come 4.2 miles, I can as well reach 5 miles and take rest at the lake, may be for an hour or so and then start back. And so, we again set out, somehow pushing myself to walk we reached 5 miles, just to find out that its a Private lake :( And no proper instructions to reach there too :( I cant put it in words of how I felt..I was standing on the road and wondering where the hell am I going to have my 1 hour rest :( My husband was feeling so sorry for me, good for him and his usual work outs at gym saved him from feeling as tired as me.

I was amused at my brain for giving me hope (false-hope?) that I can somehow make it. Heavily controlling my tears I started walking back. So that I can go and relax a bit on the rest area I found at end of 4.2 miles. But walking the 0.8 miles back seemed like a mountainous task for me. Somehow we made it there and I ran and sat near the pond. I was controlling my overflowing anger n pain on myself. Was feeling so thirsty. Alas ! I had walked for almost 2 hours non stop. But no water bottle :( Took out my strawberries, it can never taste worser. I just spit it out. Thanks to my husband for brining the pear. It was so good and juicy that I finished the whole of it in less than 5 minutes. Removed my shoes. My fingers were blessing me. Sat there silently looking at the pond. My husband was even scared to talk with me as I was filled with anger and pain. :) Spent about 20 mins there and the thought of walking back 5 miles haunted me. Grrrrr...What sort of a trail, I cannot even book a call-taxi. No motor vehicles allowed. I went to the extreme and thought of asking lift to cycle-walas. Hmm ! There is no back seat in the cycles ya ! But still for my figure, I can as well manage sitting in front. Anyways ! With all such wild thoughts we started back. I was in my own thoughts, and my husband dared not to speak with me. I was praising myself for finding such a wonderful plan on a saturday morning. I was squeezing my mind and thought what all can make me feel lighter. I stopped watching road ahead, I watched at the sky and walked for a while, but later found passers by looking queer at me and so dropped the idea. I fixed my eyes on the land and never took my face up and walked for a while like that. No remedy worked fine. And i also discovered,taking 20 mins rest has only spoilt my muscles and I was feeling all the more pain now. And by removing the shoes I guess I did one more mistake, coz my fingers were paining like hell after that. I was at the verge of crying but trying to self-motivate myself and kept walking. I stopped and bent my legs up and down but nothing gave me releif.

My god ! what if I am going to faint in the middle. Huff ! Poor man, he cannot carry me for sure. Neither can anyone. My husband said he will call 911 and people will come and carry me in Helicopter, Wow, that would have been so marvellous :) But somehow my heart told me that I will not faint. I have never fainted once till now in my lifetime so may be I felt so. And I continued for another 2 hours with my own crazy thoughts after which I saw at the end of broad road, cars passing by. Oh my god ! I felt so happy. I wish I hit the road soon. I started walking fast, infact running..and there it is. Finally I spot our car and rushed to it.

Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuufffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff ! It took us 5 hours. From 11-00 Am to 3-00 PM. Took the water can and emptied it half. I ofcourse had difficulties in getting inside the car with legs bent and sitting like that for rest of my journey. If you can recollect, I had plans of going to Indian restaurant and groceries and head home. But being 3-00 PM the indian restaurant was closed for lunch and we ordered a pizza over phone, collected it and I forgot the thought of groceries and went back home and fell with a big thud !

But a small sense of excitement popped up. Hey, U made it ! U made it ! almost 10 miles, Wow...

Yes I ofcourse felt a sense of accompolishment though the rest of the whole day and next day, I was walking like a Robot :)

First flight

This is all about my first overseas flight travel..

Jan-20-2007. Chennai. Evening 8-00 PM. Vrrooooommmmmmm..Flashing back and reading my thoughts out. I had to travel to Minneapolis,USA for an offical assignment. Had to take the flight at early hours of 21st 4'0 Clock. Not really my first flight as I have already been to Blore and Cochin in Flight. Still was too tensed till evening of 20th. MN being coldest of all states in USA and me landing there right in snow time made me more tensed too.And on top of all things, I got sentimental to leave my parents sis and above all my husband and go. I wished that this all is a dream and I wake up next day in the same house. I wish I resign my job that day and skip my travel. It is sickening to think of that day even now. I guess, for life time I will hate that day.

Thought that I have no other go and its not too fair to feel down as anyway nothing is going to change, at least in such last minute. I tried setting up my things. Me reaching MN on a weekday, my onsite counterpart was supposed to pick me up from airport to my apartment where I will be staying with my friend. It was almost time to start when my onsite counterpart called up. I was wondering what made him call that time. He just inquired about my flight timings and requested me to buy a carton of Marlboro cigarettes for his friend. I was almost sure I cannot do it, but did not want to deny it so told him I will do it. Myself, my husband, with my parents went to the airport. I tried lifting my suitcase out of the call taxi..Hoooo how heavy. I cant even lift my suitcases, How am I going to manage it till MN. That too 2 suitcases :( God save me.somehow I had a feeling that I will do it.

We were all waiting for the check-in announcement. My dad was asking me to be brave and not to worry, My husband was trying to make fun of me and my mom was reading all slokas for my safe journey. Finally they announced the check in, So I went ahead, requested a window seat, got my boarding pass and came back to bid bye.(wihtout cries) :) Preceded to immigration, once it was done, went to the lobby where I had couple of hours left for the flight. Many people were coming and going. Many with their family and kids. I too wished I am not single and have come with my family. Took a coffee and was sipping it and watching the crowd. Finally it was time and took the corresponding gate. To my wonder and surprise the gate way routed me directly into the airplan. :) I thought I will have to walk in the runway, take a bus that will take us near the flight where we can board the fight. Hmm..Good.

I went to my seat, a window seat. Saw one London thaatha sitting in the aile seat. Lifted my hand baggage and put it in the case above and that thaatha helped me. Hmm, men are always helping :) I sat and closed my eyes and was praying God to somehow make me reach MN safe. One London paati came and sat in the middle seat. She looked rigid. Whatever, I am in no mood for chit chatting with anyone. I am in my own world of tensions and thrills. There was a small TV in front of me, attached to every seat. I was trying to operate it. Ooops it doesn’t seem to work :( Come on, I don’t want to feel embarrassed, I tried it again but later noticed no one’s was working either. Happy :)

Flight started and took off and I was watching outside the window, in the morning mist, all the houses and buildings disappearing to smaller dots. The TV was on now and after the usual instructions about safety measures, I was able to choose my own stuff in the TV. It showed me the world map and where the flight is right now and the route it will take to reach MN. I was also watching some movies for a while. At about 5-00 I got my breakfast Very very hot. Upma...Dosa...and stuffs..Was good. And in sometime I slept off. Then woke up in an hour.

Now the usual problem. I needed to go to the Rest room. I was wondering where the flight will have one. I was thinking of where it can possibly be located when I saw a bunch of people going towards a place and standing in Q. Aaaahhh ! there it is :) Ohhhhhhhh , Such a small rest room. Thank Goodness I am thin, else it would have been much difficult to squeeze inside. Ok now back to seat. The paati next to me seemed sweeter too. She has collected lunch packets for me while I was away. And I spent time in sleeping,eating,watching TV,Rest room and again the same loop. Finally, the flight started landing. I got my usual ear pain. Shak ! Why it comes to me, a pain that can pierce and tear apart my ears. I hated the airhostess, they did not give me water. The paati next to me handed her bottle. I somehow managed with the pain sipping the water. Reached London. Originally supposed to reach by 9-40 AM. It was already 10-00 AM I gave her a gratitude smile, she asked me if I am a student, I proudly told her that I was a s/w programmer. She smiled and went.

I had no clues if I can catch the next flight at 11-35...I ran ran and ran.....The cabin baagae was heavy to carry .It was not the trolley type and it weighed about 10 Kilos and I was breathing heavily and running to catch my connecting flight. I went for scanning and checking in, Thank god, they did not ask me to remove my laptops for scanning; for that would have consumed more time.. Good luck always favors good girls :) though I was asked to remove my shoes for security check which took me some time. And now am on to the connecting flight just 15 mins before time. Hmm! I made it. This time there was a young guy in the window seat and I was in the aisle seat. Middle seat was free. The guy seemed to be immersed in his magazines. No worries. Now that I got used to flight ;) and felt as if I have been flying for years.

So switched on my TV and started watching movies Slept for a while. I felt the airhostess was not so kind to me, she kept on throwing something or other whenever she passed by me. So funny it was. And she was ready to take my orders and she was surprised when I said I am a vegetarian. She said it was not informed during my ticket booking and now that they don’t have any vegetarian food. Huffffffff…Anyway, I told her I can mange with bread, cheese, fruits and juices. Nevertheless she said she will come back in 10 mins with some veggie dish. After a while, she was back with a plate with 2-3 spoons of rice :) Mixed with vegetables. Except tomato I do not know the names of others. It was good anyway, so had she cheated me with some non veg too, am fine, as long as it’s eatable. Time went on and I safely stored a bottle of water to use during landing. If I keep drinking something I assume I have less ear pain. It did pain, but finally the flight landed in Chicago.

Hmm Chicago was tooooo big...

Did immigration, scanning. Here I was asked to take off my laptop, shoes for scanning. Though it took some time I had ample time for next flight. I went to collect my luggages. Managed to pull a trolley without needing to put some dollars which I might need to discover HOW for another half hour. Bags of varied sizes and colors were passing by. And there it was my bags. Both are safe. Thanks to God. You are really so helping :) off to next connecting flight, final flight, and domestic flight to MN. Took my bags (How heavy!) and put it on the trolley. But shak, the trolley was not at all moving. It was circling in the same place. Ohhhhhh god! Please don’t make me look so funny. Huff, and off it went finally and I was marching briskly towards my airline counter to get the boarding pass for next flight. Checked in my baggage, not sure if I checked in at the right place, let it go wherever, I was already too tired with the bags. Got my boarding pass, I need to go to terminal 3 for which I need to take a train. Hmm, “Idhu veraya” I thought and wondering how to go. Inquired few and went to what they claimed as the Train station. The train came, wow cooooolllll, put me safe on terminal 3. I mean, I got down safe on terminal 3. So many gates there, walking for long time getting on and off the escalators. Finally reached at what I assumed to be my proper gate. To be frank I was not even comfortable with dollars. Lot confused with those cents and dimes. Took a coffee to manage some change, He gave me back some coins. God knows what! Now I know, not then…

Went to a pay phone, tried putting the coins, everything was popped out. I tried asking the lady near by; she told I need some other coins. I was disappointed. Later got to know they were all dimes and I needed 50cents to make the call which I don’t have as a change. There I was sitting and sipping the sugarless coffee, how on earth I know that they give coffee with no sugar and no milk. I am from India...I never minded to add them too. And there I was sitting and sipping sugarless milk less coffee or rather the decoction :) Managed to get some more change, quarters from a near by shop. God bless him. Announcement came that my flight was delayed to 7-00 PM from 6-00 PM which means I would be reaching by 8-30 PM. I started worrying if my onsite counterpart will wait for me in the airport. If not, I might need to take a taxi, But taking a taxi alone, in a new country, at night time. It frightened me a bit. I don’t know the route to my friend’s apartment and wherever the taxi-wala takes I will have to go. Was breaking my brains what could be done. Flight was still delayed by 30 mins. I prayed I should live to see the next day. Finally it was time and I was about to board and there the lady calmly told the gate is changed..Oh my god. No one told me. I took my bags and coats and ran, it was just 10 mins to go. And I ran and reached the other gate and finally on to the flight. There I sat closing my eyes and making a prayer to complete my journey safe. For sure I am going to be in trouble. It will be 9-00 PM when I reach. Good God, the Pilot drove (?) flew (?) so fast that I reached by 8-45.

Flight landed. I saw SNOW outside the window. For the first time in my life :) It was whitish everywhere.

First thing I did after landing is to call up my onsite peer. This time I had the right change and luckily got him on line! :) and he picked up and said he will come to airport in 10 mins. Habba…I was relieved a bit.

Next is to check if my luggages are safe as I am supposed to report to my office from very next day. Luck was not with me. I just had one of my luggages and the other one was missing :( waiting waiting waiting, finally all the baggage came up but not mine. Worried what to do I was looking here and there and there I spotted a corner with a big black board HEAVY BAGGAGES and there it was my bag :) My bag :) I got it :) Oh finally I made it, I am safe, Luggage is safe, Peer will come and drop me to my friends apartment ..Looks like finally it all went well. One big thanks to God. :)

Managed to scroll the baggages and moved to a place where I can sit and waited for my peer to come. He came in 10 minutes. Came with a fellow who drove the car. They both helped me with the luggage and finally we reached my friends apartment.

Guess what! The fellow who’s car I came in, who drove me and my peer was none other than the one who wanted the Marlboro cigarette packets and he has come with all hopes to get it from me as soon as I land and I could not see his face when I said I could not buy it :(

Good that I did not tell my peer earlier else they might not have come to pick me for sure ;) ;) ;) ;)

There ends my story of my overseas flight travel :)

Life is what we perceive

Just a simple incident, but triggered a thought inside me. We know many things, but wont really carry them in mind always. Sometimes some certain silly incident will make u think and link u to what u may claim to be a way of life or some big talks like that :) Similar thing happened to me as well. I was too down yesterday with some heavy feeling inside me and I stand by the window and see the trees outside, the big tree with all its small leaves moving and shaking in the heavy breeze. I somehow felt a kind of ease at heart seeing that tree. Like brushing my sorrows out..I felt that the tree is frowning and sobbing for my state. Ha ! there is somebody rather something out there empathizing my state. Then today, I am happy, just jumping with joy over something so filled with fun and I happen to look at the same tree thru the window, the same big tree with all its leaves shaking in the breeze. I somehow felt an extra shot of happiness, I felt that the tree is laughing out loud, shaking its leaves and moving itself and sharing my happiness. Then I stopped by and thought to myself "Have I gone nuts?" Come on, the tree is just standing there, daily, and moving just coz of the wind and what has it got to do with intensifying or reducing how I feel. Then I thought, 'Get back to senses plsss..'

But sometimes it happens, when we are down, we visualize the whole world around as a big mass of sorrow and when we are happy ,everything around us seem to be happy. So what we see is not exactly what we perceive. I just saw the tree and the same tree, at different moments makes me feel different thing about it. The same happens with humans too. When I am down, even a simple, sometimes, a good note from someone gives me a wrong signal and I go down for it. When I am happy, I take all things light and move on.

Life is not exactly what's happening to me, but what I perceive it to be.

I have the independence to perceive it to be good or bad. May be good always :) Don't I?

Btw, I was wondering how would I perceive the tree as, when I am just normal :P

Seriously no idea what to put here :)

Hurray ! So finally I am on blogger... I was having this idea for quite sometime and finally able to implement it. Just needed a space to pour out all my thoughts. And I am going to do it from today.

I wonder the tiny(?) substance 'mind'. Honestly, Is that the biggest arena I have ever seen? How much memories and thoughts it can store? Given a split second, how many threads of thoughts happens inside and how many links and loops to it.

Hmmm...And I am wondering if I am capable of pulling out few of those thoughts from memory, refine it and put it on the screen. So thus it is going to be my safe storage of thoughts. I am making a humble start..

I do not have any particular topic I am going to write about, but just anything I feel like ..